“did some crazy shit in the 80s, not gonna lie”

i am not a huge fan of the onion, but this bit they did leading up to the last election had me howling.  oh my goddamn.  the obama and edwards profiles are my favorites.  hi-larious.  click the link above for the rest.  genius.

“Key Senate Achievement:  Being elected to Senate after Iraq War already started

Favorite Way To Mollify Supporters:  Nodding solemnly while gripping podium

Political Experience:  (2005–) Junior Senator from Illinois. Working directly under Senior Senator Richard Durbin himself, duties included fact-checking and copyediting the 2006 highway appropriations amendment bill. Member, Illinois State Senate (1997-2004)

Odds Of Pop-Locking During Inauguration: 1 in 12

Personal Best For Getting Digits:  32 seconds

Difficulty Catching A Cab:  Moderate

Issues:  Pro-hopes, also supports dreams

People Who Have Influenced Him Most:  Handsome devil who greets him in the mirror every morning”


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