20×2

picking up where i left off…

1.  i think of myself as a goofball and tomboy, but i remember my friend brett and i walking to brunch in dallas years ago & i said as much to him and he just laughed at me.  “uh, jeff (jeffiner, shortened), nobody would mistake you for a dude.”  i got really embarrassed.  nuh-huh.  i am too.  of course, he was the one responsible for many austinites calling me jeff for years.  nice going, brett.
2.  i hate & love that nyc is full of those moments where you’re late en route to work so inevitably the train is stopped “due to a sick passenger” & you start muttering expletives about the hungover bastard puking on the train, only to find yourself evacuated because someone’s having a seizure.  crap.  my bad.  sorry, guy.
3.   i cannot sleep more than 5 hours at a stretch.  i’m like 65.
4.  (see above) i cannot quit cable.  i don’t sleep and am up late writing most nights and i can’t work with music playing unless it’s classical because otherwise i want to sing along, so tv it is.  mindless background noise.  the looking box.  i’d be hard-pressed to tell you about anything on now that californication is on hiatus, but the damn thing’s always on.
5.  it makes me irate that women on tv and in film are always shown in or getting out of the bath/shower with makeup on.  we don’t do that.  you better hope not, too.  you’ll notice now that i’ve called attention to it.
6.  if you can find patience for them, wittgenstein, sartre and nietzsche are all top-notch.  and my best lady counterparts:  susan sontag, joan didion, doris lessing.  less patience required.  they don’t try to beat you up with their intellect as much.
7.  much of my life has been lived on the lam.  don’t know from what.
8.  harold and the purple crayon has got to be one of the best books ever:  think it, draw it, have it.  brilliant. id personified.
9.  the band xtc marked me for life, courtesy of les true on the bus ride home in 6th grade.  maybe 7th.
10.  there was a time it seemed like i always had a set of clothes stashed somewhere to change into later.  i get frustrated that things aren’t still this way.  i like getting decked out, but i like it best when i know i can shimmy out of the dress and back into a hoodie, jeans and boots whenever i want.
11.  goddamn hank moody.  i mean, a girl can hope, right?  why even bother throwing the dice when you know how it’s going to end?  i hate being prescient.  and common sense.
12.  i know jeans should not cost $200 but then i put on those diesel hush that hang extra low and make me feel like they should come with an indian bike and it does not matter.  i was raised in texas.  i know how to wear jeans & those jeans want me to smoke.
13.  i quit smoking.  for a while.  i’m not happy about it, but i don’t miss it much either.  next trip i’ll pick it back up.  i like to smoke while walking for hours.
14.  the first few bars of let it be….it’s pavlovian.  here come the waterworks.
15.  i’m addicted to missed connections.
16.  it kind of sucks that etch-a-sketch was so great as a kid but you pick one up now and it takes about 30 seconds before boredom sets in.
17.  a smart democracy would give its workers more time off, shorter workdays, healthcare and pay for everyone to keep taking classes.  this shouldn’t be utopian.  really.  i’m a little bit of socialist.
18.  i figure i’ve got about 12 years or so before i close up shop and head to africa or south america.  you’ve all been lovely.
19.   if pressed, like if my life came down to it, i could probably sing licensed to ill start to finish.  again, suburban school bus rides.  i was the last stop.
20.  i got this business idea on the train ride home about a new internet dating service: “best and worst” (you know, “one person’s trash is another’s treasure”) but more like, everyone would have to fill out a questionnaire designed to make you show only your best and worst qualities.  somebody’s going to want that bigot, or saint, or freak, or zealot.  it’s all the crap in the middle that distracts you from what a person is really like, so just get rid of it.  you heard it here first.  i think.

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